"Yo. Crown Princess Myrindi of Talvayne here. This is the story of my life so far. It's an inspirational, uplifting tale that won't leave a dry eye in the house. The film adaptation's going to bring home seven Academy Awards and inspire at least twice as many hot new looks for spring. Ah, who am I kidding? My life kind of sucks. I spent my childhood stuck in the palace with a bunch of dimwitted sycophants who think khakis are a good idea. I'm doomed...